3 Keys to Doing Self Love
3 KEYS TO “DOING” SELF LOVE – who’s pulling your strings?
People talk a lot about self love. They know what it means, but rarely do it or practise it. There is just TMI on the internet about self love however, it’s never enough to “say” you need to love yourself before you can move on and love anyone else, while the keys to “doing” self-love” gives you confidence and empowerment to go on and ensure you are not walked all over by anyone, again. Let’s keep this simple.
The 1st key and most important one is to only be, only do, only see, only hear and only be around what and who makes you feel good.
Our environment, mind and body are all circularly linked and all need to be cleaned up in order to keep the others healthy. So if we are compromising ourselves, and allow someone who may be narcissistic, putting us down and planting the seeds to undermine our self-worth, we need to get away from their influence and their toxicity.
As women, we tend to tolerate too much so there tends to be a confusion between what are you tolerating and what are your standards. If you were to make a list of the top 5 things you are tolerating right now, what would come up for you?
Think about it and be brutally honest with yourself.
The second key is to learn to honestly say “No”.
Tolerance is what we have been conditioning ourselves to do in order to keep the peace, not make waves, walking on egg shells and in some cases choosing our battles which may be a great strategy if it avoids an unnecessary head on clash. It’s very hard to do as we are so accustomed to being patient, tolerant and mostly at our own expense. It has become an enabling habit. When you play back the video in your head, you may recognise how you have tolerated anything else that someone who does not respect you and appreciate you has tried to put over you.
With your hand on your heart, ask your heart “Please let me know when I’m not feeling happy and safe” and hear it when it comes back to you and lets you know.
The third key is to learn to walk away.
Walking away from things that are going on that don’t contribute to your health and happiness is a learned skill. You will recognise when it is the right time when you are listening to someone derailing someone else, maybe his ex-wife, his boss and his or her behaviour towards others. Walk away from gossipers, complainers, even bad movies you have paid to watch and it turns out you are just not enjoying it. We are inviting abuse on all levels, shapes and sizes from areas of our life where we deserve respect. When you take ownership of your own thought processes and environment you will be taking back your life.
So it all starts with self respect. If you are reading this, I have just one shot to get this message to you. Stop tolerating the little things which drip away at your confidence. It can start very early in the relationship and creep up on you when you are totally unaware of it. For women, when we have sex with our new man, there is a huge hormonal shift and we “fall in love” with our vaginas and we become very attached to the relationship quite early. It’s very hard to walk away from him when our confidence is starting to be eroded and we don’t even realise it. We tolerate the comments of disrespectful behaviour, or choose to ignore them and shrug it off. We often ignore or don’t see the red flags. For men, sex doesn’t have the same reaction early in the relationship and bonding comes over time. Some men have sex with several different women at the same time until they are ready to commit to one, if any. That’s another topic for another time.
Meanwhile, when you accept disrespectful behaviour over time, the longer you stay, the harder it becomes to leave unless you have clarity about what you are signing up for and what you are prepared to tolerate or walk away from. Until we get ourselves cleaned out it’s hard to attract a man who will treat us with respect and genuine love.
“I’d rather lose him than lose me.”
It’s better to be alone than stay with bad company. Sadly for a lot of midlife single women they feel the devastation of being suddenly single, especially if it wasn’t her decision. She has given and given for so long with no change until she realises she is unrecognisable as the woman she knew so long ago. Many remain in that holding pattern in their ensuing relationships doing the same stuff and expecting a happy ending.
So ask yourself, what do I need a man for right now? If you are in a relationship and you feel the love, congratulations. You have it made. If not and you are at cross roads, you may need to talk about it and seek some clarity either with your man or if that is too hard to handle at first, with someone who isn’t invested in your emotions who can help you find your way back to “self” so you can make the decisions which are right for you, by you and not influenced by someone else’s agenda.
If you are single right now after a breakup, cherish that time to find yourself. It’s your turn to do what’s really good for you and find your way back to healthy love. The singleness won’t last so relish it while you can, as you will attract a gorgeous man as you learn and “do” self love, and when he appears, you will recognise him.
Need some help on this, let me know and we will chat.
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